Straight Talk

After the current tragedy, I felt it important to gather some thoughts on the subject. Over the last 4 or 5 years, I've developed a closer relationship with death; I might say, more than I ever thought was possible, especially as a consequence of personally experiencing probably over a 1000% increase over the previous 33 years of my life. I started out being somewhat fearful of it, in its various forms - thinking about losing a loved one is never an easy souvenir to conjure. However, I'm starting to become a bit more inured to it and to accept that as inevitable as death is, we really have to construct a similar system to deal with it, as we do with planning out our lives. We are all fatally predisposed. Some of us, luckily or unluckily, are able to be cognisant of the approximate time of death, due to disease, crime, or accident. However, the majority of us will live and not know when we'll die. That is just a plain fact.

So in light of this knowledege, here are a few things that I've been thinking about, to help ease our transition into the next phase of our existence (or lack thereof):


1. Live each day, loving as though it were your last. Note the word "loving" and not "living". This includes loving your own self, and taking care of your health. Imagine that your loved one suddenly dies the next day. What would you regret not having done - that's what I think loving is about. Express the words of love now, and you'll live without regret in the event that you are no longer able to express them in person.

2. Relish your experiences; slow down and enjoy the love. You don't take the work or the money with you, but the love is something that I believe remains in your soul. Reflect on it, turn it over and shine it, pass it on.

3. Make necessary arrangements. Our banks and employers have us sign any number of contractual agreements to account for many different scenarios, to ensure they receive their payments. Lets do the same for our own lives. Make sure that you have at least a basic will, a life insurance policy (to cover your funeral expenses, as well as family members you are responsible for), and a clear statement pertaining to what to do with respect to the care of your family. Make sure that someone knows where all this information is (and not just your partner - your siblings, closest friends, and children may also need to know). Now this doesn't mean that you need to have your funeral program printed and ready to be sent out. Some people might want to do all that, but really, you can just make sure to specify in writing and perhaps verbally to those who love you, your preferred arrangements when it comes to your funeral and burial. If you have specific religious requirements; make them known - not everyone is aware of any constraints pertaining to religious, geographic, cultural, familial, or other of your varied memberships and affiliations. So make them known - if you want to be cremated wearing your favourite red baseball hat and your ashes sprinkled at the seaside at Laboney, someone needs to know that, or you might very well find yourself buried in a concrete-lined grave, wearing your green flowery suit that you intended to donate to charity.

4. We have no control - absolutely none, in where the life dice will fall. I couldn't tell you that I'll still be here tomorrow, nor what health condition I'll be in. However, what I can tell you is that I love, I appreciate love in my life, and I feel happy and lucky to be where I am in life. Whatever may come, I may be here, I may cry, I may laugh, its just the cycle of life - the same cycle happens to trees, stones, lions, flies, hair, viruses, fish, even our planet will go through its cycle. Its inevitable, and it'll be ok, and life will move on - it'll find a way through. Just help it along by doing as much of the above as you can.

p.s. For me, here are the summary details:
1. I know that you know that I love my family and close friends, and look forward to sharing more love! We may not always remain in constant contact, but know that you make a difference in my life, and I'm glad that I get to share a part of it with them.
2. I have a will that can easily be found in my personal affairs, and will be looking to get a life insurance policy within the next month.
3. I've already stated several times that I want to be cremated, not important what I'm wearing in that event! Not important to me whether there is a church service, and what denomination it is - I'm leaving the choice to my spouse primarily, and the rest of the family. I'd like my ashes to be spread at our home in US and our family home in Ghana. I want the minimal amount of money wasted on my funeral arrangements - save the money and have a great get-together, reminiscing, cracking jokes, eating my favourite foods (plantain must be served!)- and remembering that my goal in life is to live it to the fullest, loving and sharing, being there for each other. Better yet, travel somewhere fun, and have a reunion while learning a new language, and navigating through its culture!

Let me know of any additional ideas that you might impart with me.

Until next time...(perhaps), love always