La compassion humaine

Hier, malheureusement, j'ai dû assister à un enterrement. Je suis toujours en état du choc - parce que les circonstances sont incroyablement triste. Mais je ne veux pas parler de la haine dont on avait dû avoir pour causer une mort comme celle-ci. Je suis ici aujourd'hui seulement pour parler de quelque chose qui m'a fait penser de l'humanité en générale. Donc hier, après le service funèbre à une mosquée, nous tous les pleureuses nous sommes mis dans notre propre voitures, et nous avons commencé à suivre la fourgon mortuaire, le corbillard. Il y'avait beaucoup de gens, et donc, la cortège de véhicule était vraiment longue. Je pense que nous nous trouverions près de la fin. Mais ce qui m'a étonné et qui m'a frappé c'était comment l'univers - les autres voitures, les piétons, et les pleureuses ont collaboré, sans parler un mot, en nous permettant de continuer en paix. On n'a jamais couper la cortège même quand les feus étaient rouge pour nous, même quand nous avons dû arrêter et bloquer la circulation. On a attendu patiemment pour que nous tous avions traversé. Je n'ai même entendu aucun des gens klaxonner pendant le trajet au cimetière. Et donc, je me suis demandé pourquoi c'est toujours comme cela? Pourquoi nous, les êtres humains sont plus sympa quand on comprend ou entend qu'il s'est passé quelque chose de triste (une maladie, une mort, ou les chose autres tristesse de la vie) Pourquoi pas assumer ou fixer dans notre mémoires qu'il y'en a des autres troubles de la vie, et à un moment donné, on ne sait jamais ce qu'on a dans la vie; les souffrances quotidienne, hebdomadaire, de toujours. C'était vraiment triste pour moi de penser au manque de la civilité, du soutien, d'amour simple et basique entre nous. Il y'a toujours quelque chose à détester. Toujours plus de la haine que de l'amour. Mais nous en avons besoin de l'amour, nous avons hâte d'être aimer, d'avoir quelqu'uns qui vont s'occuper et prendre soin de nous. Et je pense que nous ne sommes pas sympa parce que nous n'avons pas confiance qu'on sera capable de répondre à notre amour. Et dans ce cas, nous serions peiné et vide de sentiments. Je comprends - mais je pense quand même que c'est vraiment pas difficile à savoir ou comprendre comment faire de son mieux tout le temps. Je ne parle que le fait d'avoir un peu de compassion. C'est tout - juste un peu. Si on se souviens toujours que les autres gens ont leur propres problèmes juste comme nous, et donc, si chacun entre nous n'essaie que de penser à cela, je pense que nous aurions bientôt des êtres plutôt sympa!

Yesterday, unfortunately, I had to attend a funeral. I am still in a state of shock – because of the circumstances which are still unbelievably sad. But I don’t want to address or talk about the hatred that someone has to have had to cause a death like this. I am here today, only to talk about something that made me think of humanity in general. So yesterday, after the funeral service at the mosque, we, all the mourners, got into our own cars, and we started to follow the hearse. There were a lot of people, so the funeral procession was really long. I think we were near the end. But what surprised me, and struck me was how the universe – the other drivers on the road, the pedestrians, and us the mourners managed to collaborate, without speaking a word,in letting us continue in peace. No one cut the procession, even when the traffic lights were red for us, even when we had to stop and block the traffic. They waited patiently, until we had all crossed. I didn’t even hear any people blowing their horn during the entire journey to the cemetery. And so, I asked myself, why is it always like this? Why are we, human beings so much kinder when we understand or hear that something sad has happened (an illness, a death, or other sadnesses of life). Why don’t we assume or fix in our memories that there are other issues in life, and at any given moment, we never know what one is going through in life; the daily, weekly, or forever sufferances. Its always really sad for me to think of the loss of civility, of support, of simple and basic love between us all. There is always something to hate. Always more hatred than love. And yet we know that we need love so much more. We yearn to be loved, to have our people who will be there for us, and take care of us. And I think that the reason we’re not kinder is that we don’t trust that others are capable of reciprocating our love. And in that case, we would be hurt and empty of feeling. I understand – but I also think that it’s really not difficult to know our understand how to do one’s best all the time. I’m only referencing the idea of having just a bit of compassion. That’s all – just a bit. If we always remember that other people have their own problems, just like us, and therefore, if each one of us just tries to think about just that – I think that we would soon have a pretty kind human race!

Straight Talk

After the current tragedy, I felt it important to gather some thoughts on the subject. Over the last 4 or 5 years, I've developed a closer relationship with death; I might say, more than I ever thought was possible, especially as a consequence of personally experiencing probably over a 1000% increase over the previous 33 years of my life. I started out being somewhat fearful of it, in its various forms - thinking about losing a loved one is never an easy souvenir to conjure. However, I'm starting to become a bit more inured to it and to accept that as inevitable as death is, we really have to construct a similar system to deal with it, as we do with planning out our lives. We are all fatally predisposed. Some of us, luckily or unluckily, are able to be cognisant of the approximate time of death, due to disease, crime, or accident. However, the majority of us will live and not know when we'll die. That is just a plain fact.

So in light of this knowledege, here are a few things that I've been thinking about, to help ease our transition into the next phase of our existence (or lack thereof):


1. Live each day, loving as though it were your last. Note the word "loving" and not "living". This includes loving your own self, and taking care of your health. Imagine that your loved one suddenly dies the next day. What would you regret not having done - that's what I think loving is about. Express the words of love now, and you'll live without regret in the event that you are no longer able to express them in person.

2. Relish your experiences; slow down and enjoy the love. You don't take the work or the money with you, but the love is something that I believe remains in your soul. Reflect on it, turn it over and shine it, pass it on.

3. Make necessary arrangements. Our banks and employers have us sign any number of contractual agreements to account for many different scenarios, to ensure they receive their payments. Lets do the same for our own lives. Make sure that you have at least a basic will, a life insurance policy (to cover your funeral expenses, as well as family members you are responsible for), and a clear statement pertaining to what to do with respect to the care of your family. Make sure that someone knows where all this information is (and not just your partner - your siblings, closest friends, and children may also need to know). Now this doesn't mean that you need to have your funeral program printed and ready to be sent out. Some people might want to do all that, but really, you can just make sure to specify in writing and perhaps verbally to those who love you, your preferred arrangements when it comes to your funeral and burial. If you have specific religious requirements; make them known - not everyone is aware of any constraints pertaining to religious, geographic, cultural, familial, or other of your varied memberships and affiliations. So make them known - if you want to be cremated wearing your favourite red baseball hat and your ashes sprinkled at the seaside at Laboney, someone needs to know that, or you might very well find yourself buried in a concrete-lined grave, wearing your green flowery suit that you intended to donate to charity.

4. We have no control - absolutely none, in where the life dice will fall. I couldn't tell you that I'll still be here tomorrow, nor what health condition I'll be in. However, what I can tell you is that I love, I appreciate love in my life, and I feel happy and lucky to be where I am in life. Whatever may come, I may be here, I may cry, I may laugh, its just the cycle of life - the same cycle happens to trees, stones, lions, flies, hair, viruses, fish, even our planet will go through its cycle. Its inevitable, and it'll be ok, and life will move on - it'll find a way through. Just help it along by doing as much of the above as you can.

p.s. For me, here are the summary details:
1. I know that you know that I love my family and close friends, and look forward to sharing more love! We may not always remain in constant contact, but know that you make a difference in my life, and I'm glad that I get to share a part of it with them.
2. I have a will that can easily be found in my personal affairs, and will be looking to get a life insurance policy within the next month.
3. I've already stated several times that I want to be cremated, not important what I'm wearing in that event! Not important to me whether there is a church service, and what denomination it is - I'm leaving the choice to my spouse primarily, and the rest of the family. I'd like my ashes to be spread at our home in US and our family home in Ghana. I want the minimal amount of money wasted on my funeral arrangements - save the money and have a great get-together, reminiscing, cracking jokes, eating my favourite foods (plantain must be served!)- and remembering that my goal in life is to live it to the fullest, loving and sharing, being there for each other. Better yet, travel somewhere fun, and have a reunion while learning a new language, and navigating through its culture!

Let me know of any additional ideas that you might impart with me.

Until next time...(perhaps), love always