Its time to move on PLL...

 
Dear PLL, 
I've decided thAt it is time we broke up. Each time in the past I've felt this way, Heather Hogan's Pretty Little Liars recaps on afterellen.com and #BooRadleyVanCullen tweet summaries have always found their way to my heart, and brought me back to you. But I can't do this anymore. From the beginning of our relationship, I was one of the unlikeliest partners you'd ever have. I don't have cable TV - so I see you on hulu as soon as they make you available. I even signed up for a Hulu account so I could see more of you. You were worth $7.99 every month. 

I knew I was probably too old for you, I mean I turn 42 today! I don't even have a facebook account, let alone twitter, instagram and all the other youngun's passports of today. Many times, I feel like how I imagine Ezra must feel in his illegal relationship with Aria, even worse since our age gap is probably much wider...I hoped that maybe nobody will know, that the relationship would grow on me and any others who knew about it...I even stopped sneaking around with you and shared you with my spouse who enjoys the relationship just as much these days - she is/was completely hooked. You really just seemed mature even with your youthful appearance. And you really pulled the wool over my eyes, seducing me with Emily's coming out process, and her girlfriends, dead or alive. I try not to think about your age too much actually - which is why I feel Ezra's relationship epitomizes my feelings for you. 

I am much older than you, and it is now clear that you are definitely not mature for your age. In fact, if anything, you are regressing with each day like that movie with Brad Pitt that I never bothered to watch, remember, the one where he gets younger and younger, I don't know, there's just something about Brad Pitt that keeps me away from his movies...but I digress...its clear in the IQ that your'e required to have to watch the show, that we are have reached the single digit years now...I think an audience of 7yr olds may be who you're looking for these days. Perhaps you're just trying to make me break up with you because you're tired of this relationship too? 

 I mean, you continuously have characters that don't seem to learn from their situation. Maybe it'd help if you allowed them to stay in school for some episodes, or even have parents once in a while. But what really did it for me, was your last episode. I mean, many things have just not made sense or been bizarre for a while, but I was willing to overlook them. Even how Spencer lost her brain once she found out Toby was A. The only silver lining was that it seemed that the other girls somehow automatically got some of Spencer's brain when it went AWOL - I mean, I was cheering Emily on with her sleuthing super techie ways when she was able to email a list of customers to herself...we both know you took huge steps back with her, when you had her close the curtain on Jason in the hospital, but again, I gave you a pass. Then you had Hanna solve a great mystery with her boyfriend and his father...even experienced private detectives miss out on that all the time. And you really wooed me when you actually showed a parent for a change...that is, a parent who cared about what her child was doing/thinking/and where she was. Oh how you wooed me. 

But now this. You really have hit a new low...literally in age and IQ. You want me to believe in characters who don't seem to have any intelligence whatsoever. I heard your new audience of 7year olds scream in exasperation this week! In the last show, you had Emily say that doing things alone is what gets us in trouble. Then the very next episode, you have her doing exactly that...even worse because she is going after someone she was told was the infamous letter of the alphabet! Hannah and Aria, two teenage girls push a police car into a lake...far enough that it sinks?!?!?!!? Then Spencer...need I say more? Spencer, really? The A team needs to just replace the FBI, the CIA, the KGB, Scotland Yard, and all the security agencies listed on wikepedia's list of intelligence agencies around the world and Mona should just become president. Imagine our enemies...how they will all fall when they start getting their "A" texts!!! "A"mazing!! I hope that wasn't a spoiler - the Mona becoming president thing...please don't go there!! 

 I mean really - this is no longer fun staying with you. Its actually quite painful. So I've decided that its time I move on. But you know I can't stay completely away...its too early. So I'll continue my relationship with Heather Hogan's recaps over on afterellen.com and #BooRadleyVanCullen tweet summaries...she adds an IQ filter that helps my brain stay in my skull...so in a way, I guess its not completely over (for now) 

Just so you know, the only way you can get me back, is if somewhere in all of this, 

A) Pun intended, one of the girls is dreaming/having a nightmare and will wake up soon - these insane behaviors will make sense in a dream sequence 

B) You are keeping a card in your back pocket that shows that the girls knew all along and were playing along...Spencer getting herself locked up is just part of a grand scheme that they will unleash on the A team in an episode around the corner 

C) The girls are all dead too...in fact, everyone on the show is dead, and Hannahs Mum is the only parent we keep seeing because lets face it, she sees dead people. 

Its been fun - wish you the best, 
S